Setting Boundaries
Jan 13th, 2010 by
 It’s not OK for your cat to shred your legs or bite you as you walk by, or for your cats to try to kill each other. And its not OK for your dog to harass the cat,  growl at your friends (as long as you KNOW they are good people), or growl at you when you touch her or ask her to get off the bed, etc. And it’s not OK for your horse to push you out of the way or bite you (obviously unless he is trying to tell you something you are too dense to see). By and large, these types of behaviors are indications that some boundaries need to be set.
People accept and live with these types of behaviors because they think it is natural and they shouldn’t interfere. Or they think the animals have to work it out between themselves. People also routinely call me expecting that I will be able to simply talk to the animals and get them to stop these behaviors. The issue here is often – not always by any means – that the person involved has to take back control of the situation and set boundaries. Yes sometimes talking will shift things, and yes for sure flower essence is a good thing to use, and yes talking to the person about mirroring in the situation is also helpful. But the bottom line is the person has to decide what is acceptable behavior and communicate that to the animal.
Then the question becomes how do you do that in a humane reasonable way. Talking to them is good, and it is the mainstay of the coach approach I outline in my book, Â Ask Your Animal. So yes, talk away. And by all means, use the tricks and techniques I outline in the book, such as daily compliments for a cat who feels left out and is acting up because of it. But you will also have to find something physical to add into the mix to help interrupt and extinguish the behaviors.
In many of these cases the behaviors stem from the animal taking an alpha position in realtion to the person. So for example, working with a dog using Jan Fennell’s training techniques, can completely change aggression, dominance, and fear behaviors almost overnight. Her techniques are all nonviolent. They incorporate body language that your dog really understands. Her book is The Dog Listener (get the 2004 edition and/ or make sure you get her 30 day training program in addition to the book).
For horses I recommend Carolyn Resnick’s training DVD, Introduction to the Waterhole Rituals. Carolyn’s training is different than other ground work. It basically makes your horse fall in love with you and treat you accordingly. Who doesn’t want that! And it is all nonviolent done in an open field with no ropes. Check out her site at
Now we come to cats… hmmmm, ahemmmm. Yes well cats……
Ok this isn’t completely warm and fuzzy,  but I advise people to do a very loud parrot-like “Ah Ah” right before the cat launches into the behavior you don’t want. You usually only have to do it loud once or twice. Your cat will look at you in horror and say, ‘What has possessed you , why are you making that hideous noise,? I am out of here.’ And if he was just about to bite your leg,well that’s fine! After the first few times you do it at the top of your lungs, you only ever have to do a normal-sounding “ah” once or twice and the cat will react the same way. Voila! You have extinguished the behavior or at least gotten it down to a dull roar. One can train cats and I recommend clicker training for them. This helps to civilize and soften a cat who may be a bit on the wild side. So put that in the mix too if you have hours to sit around playing with your cats. Here is the link for cat clicker training. This site also has clicker for dogs. http://www.clickertraining.com/cattraining
This is a good site for clicker for horses, which is also a great technique and is especially good for addressing fears, or individual problem behaviors. http://theclickercenter.com/
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Virtual Practice Today Jan 13
There is still time to sign up for this month’s virtual practice; you can do so on my website. There are three sessions. All the times given are California time, PST.
10 – noon – by Skype
5:30 —- 7:30 by conference call US number
8 – 10 pm – by Skype
I tried to come up with times that would work for you wherever you live.
To register go to:   http://martawilliams.com/WorkshopSchedule.htm   Â
If you want to find out what time it would be in your area go to the world time converter:
http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/converter.html
 Email me if you have questions. Hope to talk with you today! Also please mark your calendars: The practice group for February will be Tues February 9th. Email if you have any questions about the group and how it works.
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2012 And Beyond
My lastest Animales newsletter is posted on my site Check it out and then come back to the blog to comment on your thoughts about where we are headed.
Animales newsletter Jan 2010 – http://martawilliams.com/NewsletterV13N1.html
Wow! Wow…
Thank you, Marta. Your words confirm behaviour tactics I have used with my wild little tuxedo cat girl since we had her. She is good and sweet but she gets defensive or acts out easily. You explain the “Ah, Ah” and that is exactly what I use with her. This works! The current colony of four (one less since Thanksgiving, 2009) has their dynamics, but are kept in range with the same “Ah, Ah” and sometimes an admonition of “Manners!”
Cool!
OMG, Marta, I just tried the “Ah-ah” with Samsun, my 17-year-old cat who we tamed as a feral kitten. We babied him a lot when he was younger because of his near-death experience and that babying has turned him into a demanding elder.
He has the annoying habit of meowing and scratching at my legs when I am working and he wants to sit in my computer chair. I had tried a number of things previously – ignoring, (which escalates the behavior), talking to him, giving him toys to play with, making a little bed for him beside the computer (which sometimes holds him off long enough that he can actually have my chair). The loud “Ah-ah” worked very well this morning, at least for the moment.
Will keep you posted, LOL!
We always had and still have cats. And never had problems with them, I guess we used those tactics intuitively. Untill a few years ago we got a white one who really attacked the scared black one. She was so scared, she ran out of our garden. The ah ah’s did not work, water did not work. So we rehomed her after a few weeks. I got too scared something would happen to our black lady. This was before I knew I could communicate with animals, but I had the feeling something was wrong in the head of the white one.
This Family did not quite believe me, and because they had a very dominant cat so they trusted things to be ok. I hesitated but in the meantime we had to keep her in seperation, so we tried it. But same things started to happen there. Her own cats stayed outside and the white one did not allow them in.
After this we and the new Family knew we had to find a family without cats. Dogs where no problem, they where clear enough about their boundaries I know now. We found the right family, and were very pleased.
I found out in my relationships with my animals that when the boundaries are clear, you can give in now and then. We are not really strict but they know exactly what is and is not allowed.
Marta, I’m behind in my email, but saw your blog and knew I needed to give you a quick status on how Emmett’s doing these days. “The Dog Listener” is a must-read for everyone with dogs, and I’ve been telling everyone within hearing distance to GET THIS BOOK! My Emmett has made great strides, and now we see that Buster, our older boy, is fully convinced he’s the Alpha in our home, something we would never have believed before. It’s been a challenge to convince my husband to get on board, so things with Buster haven’t progressed as quickly, but we’re seeing amazing results in their behaviors, all done with love, positivity and lots of respect. Thank you for recommending this book, AND for your help! I’ll write soon! 🙂